


a tempo

by Finally_Home



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional, Fluff with a Sad Ending, Homin - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of JYJ, Musical Terminology, Oneshot, Short, heechul appears briefly, until the last part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22442059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finally_Home/pseuds/Finally_Home
Summary: allegretto, my love, and let us waltz into the night forever.
Relationships: Jung Yunho/Shim Changmin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	a tempo

_ Adagio cantabile _

They start out slow, as most friends do. Yunho doesn’t often take notice of the new trainee; he looks soft and fragile, probably here for an easy way out of school. He’ll regret it soon enough, Yunho thinks.

But the boy surpasses all of Yunho’s expectations and more. He catches him in the dance studio one late night - it must have been 4 am - drenched in sweat and practically collapsing whenever he does take a rare break.

‘Hey,’ he says, and the boy bolts up, staggering on rubbery legs. Yunho barely manages to catch him, dropping his own bag with a loud thunk. ‘You don’t have to go that hard.’

The boy almost scoffs and looks away. ‘You don’t have a right to say that,’ he mutters, drinking out of his water bottle. Yunho laughs, and the boy looks at him curiously.

‘You’re right.’ They sit together in silence until Yunho finally stands up. ‘What’s your name?’

He stares at him for a few seconds, and then stands to face him. ‘Changmin. Shim Changmin.’

After that, Yunho notices Changmin more. In between breaks and talking to Jaejoong or Donghae, he notices Changmin sitting alone, drinking occasionally from his plastic water bottle, and decides then and there that he needs a friend.

Jaejoong doesn’t follow him, but that’s fine. Yunho plops himself down on the floor, next to Changmin, and does not miss the way the boy starts, gaze sliding quickly away from his own.

‘What do you think of the new song?’ he asks, not expecting much of an answer, and Changmin gives none. He only shrugs.

‘I don’t know, I hate it? It’s like someone took farm noises and tried to make a song out of it.’

He hadn’t known that the boy could be so sassy. Yunho laughs, drawing the attention of a few other trainees closeby. Changmin flushes, ducking his head, and Yunho waves the others off.

‘Come on, it’s not that bad. And you’ve got the dance down, haven’t you?’ When Changmin doesn’t respond, Yunho scoots closer to peer into his face. ‘Changmin? Changdol?’

Changmin jerks his face away, though the redness creeping up his cheeks is obvious. ‘What’s with that stupid name?’ he mutters, so quietly that Yunho could have imagined it. ‘And no, I haven’t. I suck at dancing, if you haven’t noticed.’

Yunho had. He had noticed that the boy wasn’t as good of a dancer as he’d expected, but then again, that was probably why he’d been practicing so late. On impulse, he reaches out and ruffles Changmin’s hair. It’s damp with sweat, and Changmin jerks his head up, surprise in his eyes.

‘You try hard,’ Yunho says with a smile, quietly enough so that no one else can hear. ‘I know you’ll be great one day. Just wait, you’ll see.’

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Heechul gesturing and rises. As he walks away, he thinks he might have heard Changmin say, softly, ‘Not without you.’

_ Più mosso _

They debut together, with the cheesiest debut song ever. Changmin turns into a clingy maknae, and Yunho suddenly carries the fates of four other people on his shoulders. But life isn’t bad; in fact, it’s great, finally being able to do what they love.

At the same time, they work harder, place more pressure on each other, and sometimes Changmin whispers to him in the middle of the night, when he thinks Yunho’s fallen asleep, that he never wanted to be a singer.

‘My mother dragged me to the auditions,’ he says, playing with Yunho’s still-wet hair. ‘She wanted to see Boa, and I just wanted to go home. Funny how things ended up, isn’t it?’

It’s times like these that Yunho wants to bolt up in bed, grab Changmin and look him in the eyes, and tell him, sternly, ‘Maybe you didn’t want to be here, but now you are. What are you going to do about it? You’ve worked harder than anyone.’

But he never does, and only listens to Changmin sigh, turn over, and fall asleep. Then, inevitably, he’d shift, slowly as to not wake the boy, and drape an arm over him. When the other three find them the next morning, they always laugh and tease Changmin about being a baby. Changmin scowls and snarks back, and they leave the room, still bickering.

Yunho’s head drops back onto the mattress, and he sighs. It’s very rare for Changmin to act like the cute maknae that he is, but when he does, it takes Yunho’s breath away. Like that one time, when they were filming Balloons, Changmin hated the animal costumes so much that he practically dove into Yunho’s chest out of embarrassment after answering a few questions from the interviewers from TV. Or that time, when Junsu or Jaejoong had ruffled his hair on a show and called him cute, and he had clung onto Yunho and pouted until their manager warned him about having his face stuck like that forever. Or that other time, when…

There have been many times, he realizes, even though the others insist the opposite. He can see where they come from; Changmin rarely ever acts anything but bratty to the other three, and it’s a miracle if he’s even nice to them.

Maybe he only acts cute around Yunho. 

The thought makes his heart leap wildly, though he’s not quite sure why. Yunho rolls around on the bed until Jaejoong finally opens the door to ask when, pray tell the fuck, he would be getting up because Changmin and Junsu have gotten into yet another fight.

‘Aw, just let them,’ he answers lazily, and walks out to see the two wrestling on the floor. ‘Changdol-ah, stop that.’

As if by magic, Changmin stops and runs to Yunho. ‘Hyung,’ he whines, ‘he was making fun of me.’

‘I just said he was cute!’ Junsu won’t back down, and Yunho finds himself surrounded by loud complaints. He puts his hands up, gently shoves both maknaes backwards, and disappears into the bathroom.

_ Andante l’istesso _

It’s always Changmin. It had always been Changmin. It will always be Changmin. When the other three leave, mentally if not physically, only Changmin stays behind with him.

The days are long, and the nights longer. Yunho locks himself up in his room, huddled under the blankets, trying to sleep his life away. Trying, though he doesn’t always succeed, hovering on the hazy edge between dream and wake. At some point during one of these fever dreams, the door opens, and he feels a body crawl onto the bed, burrow its way into his arms, rest its head against his chest.

‘Changmin,’ he breathes, and Changmin responds. A soft, wounded sound, and he breaks. The tears won’t stop, and he clutches Changmin and cries into his hair and hates himself, hates the others, hates life and the universe and everything, and all he can register through the pain is betrayal.

They said they’d stay, try to negotiate. They promised they’d be together forever, take over the world with the red ocean. They promised, they promised, they promised, and now they’re gone, and the illusion shatters, the endless red falling, sparkling, through the night, and he can’t breathe for the pain.

It feels like he’s drowning, suffocating in the depths of the ocean, cracking under the pressure of the public and the company and himself, ugly and naked without the protection of the glamour they once had, and they still had to work together, after everything, for the Japanese tour. He still had to see them, face them with the full knowledge that they’ve betrayed him, they’ve already left, they’re no longer TVXQ.

He can’t do it.

The weight on his ribcage shifts, and Yunho realizes that Changmin has fallen asleep. The boy’s face is marred with tears, dark shadows under his eyes, and Yunho would not be surprised if this is the first real sleep he’s gotten in days.

Is he alone? Is Changmin going to leave too? The thought of it is almost too much to bear, and Yunho hugs the boy just a little tighter. No, he can’t. He can’t, he won’t. Yunho won’t let him, would rather die and end himself than to lose Changmin. He won’t let TVXQ end like this, can’t let it, not after all the work they’ve put in. Not after all the pain, all the sweat, all the fun and happiness. 

Yunho will continue TVXQ, and TVXQ will live on, even if it’s just the two of them left. Two of them, through thick and thin, rain or shine, but they will survive. And not just survive; they’ll conquer.

He’ll make sure of it.

_ Allegro ma non troppo _

Time moves too quickly for Yunho to follow. It seems only yesterday that he and Changmin were starting over, fighting about moving out, actually moving out, topping the Billboard chart, leaving for the military, discharged from the military, starting over again.

In a flash, they’ve already come so far. Yunho straightens the cuffs of his suit jacket and glances briefly at the mirror. He looks old, older than he ever has, younger than he ever will be. Nothing can truly mask his age anymore, especially not when he feels older than he is.

White flowers dot the room, and Yunho sits down on a white sofa to wait. Wait for his name to be called, wait for the ceremony to start, wait for the partner of his life to leave him truly alone.

He can’t sit still. How can he, when Changmin is right there beaming, talking about his bride like she’s the light of his life? How can he, when the pictures on the walls are no longer TVXQ but instead Changmin and his wife-to-be? How can he, when all he can do is lay alone in his bed at night and cry, the horrible pain of betrayal ripping his heart into a million tiny pieces?

It’s not right, he can’t think like this. Yunho forces himself to stop, to sit down, to listen to Changmin’s nervous babbles like the good hyung he’s supposed to be. Changmin’s happy, and that’s all he’s ever wanted. He’ll still be in TVXQ, still put as much effort into the group as he once had. Nothing will change, nothing, nothing, nothing.

The word echoes in his mind, and suddenly, he’s decades younger, staring at a door that’s just been slammed in his face. Nothing will change, three voices say in unison, nothing, nothing, nothing. We’ll still be good friends, Yunho, nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing has changed, and nothing will. You’re still a tryhard farmboy from Gwangju who will never amount to anything, and everyone you care about will leave and have left already, and you fall too hard and give too much of yourself away, but whose fault is that?

No, he can’t. The priest comes, introduces himself, and Yunho feels like he’s watching himself shake the old man’s hand from miles away. They usher Changmin out of the room, stand beside the altar, and it’s all Changmin can do not to burst apart with joy, and Yunho feels nothing. Not when the music starts, not when the bride steps out, not when the vows are read, not when the rings are exchanged, not when they kiss, no, no, no, he feels nothing.

He feels nothing and yet everything, the pure happiness on Changmin’s face tearing a hole through his chest, flinging daggers at the place his heart should be. Tears drip down his face, and Yunho quickly wipes them away. No one would blame him for crying, he knows, but he feels so fake, can’t face anyone with the knowledge that his tears are the opposite of what is expected of him.

Heechul sees through him, of course, and pulls him aside during the reception, after the obligatory TVXQ song has been danced to. ‘Are you okay, Yurobbongie?’ he asks softly, as gently as Yunho had never heard him. ‘It’s okay to cry.’

‘I don’t know,’ Yunho says, because he really doesn’t. ‘It won’t be the same.’

‘Of course it won’t be the same.’ Heechul places a glass of water in his hand. ‘When Sungmin got married, we said to ourselves, it’s okay if he leaves, because things change and as long as he’s happy, we’ll be too. But what’s different here is that Changmin won’t leave you. He loves you too much.’

A bitter laugh rips itself out of Yunho’s throat. ‘No,’ he says, ‘he doesn’t. If he did, he would have never gotten married.’

Time slows to a golden halo, wrapping itself around Yunho’s eyes. Nothing he could have done would have prevented this outcome, but he wishes it could have been different. The music swells to a loud presto, one of the songs that Changmin chose specifically because Yunho doesn’t like ballads. Heechul leaves, and Yunho sinks to the floor, the music pounding painfully in his heart.

_ Ah, time, do not move so fast. There is more I would have liked to share with you. _

**Author's Note:**

> adagio cantabile - slow, song-like  
> piu mosso - more movement  
> andante l'istesso - walking pace, same as before (l'istesso is a modifier, usually used when there's a change in key signature)  
> allegro ma non troppo - fast, but not too much
> 
> i'm actually not familiar with l'istesso so if any better musicians would like to point out a better translation pls do!
> 
> idk what inspired this, actually. i knew i had to use allegro ma non troppo as a sad part tho lol. don't move so fast, yall ;; let us be in love with you for just a little while longer (sobs)


End file.
